Cranky Old Man

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem. And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.

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Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise, Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . … lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he’ll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ’round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future … . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It’s jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I’m loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man . Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. …. . ME!!

The Babbling’s of a Mad Man

The more she talks the more I hate the ultimate outcome of things yet obtained and that which crawls from the marrow of madness to the cursed reality of substance. When will it end this insanity of selfishness, the wallowing in self seeking refuge? I can only dream of the day and yet it will never come.

Cursed be the day I was born. Cursed be the day I stepped foot into the carnal state of existence. Nothing is more elusive than peace in the day of the end. Cause as a woman labors in birth so shall the end of days be. My heart is torn, and my head reels in quantum jolts of sanity to insane. I fear not what man will do to me but what God will do or what he has done. Cast aside the luminous day which man walks for the fear is not in the light but in the darkness of night.

All though light shines, truth hides. In the darkness it revels itself so not man nor woman sees but yet they are consumed and swallowed whole by the frenzy of its hunger.

Hide now, but you cannot.

Seek now, but not find.

Knock, and it will be opened.

Ask now, but nothing given.

End it shall be and the beginning of which we all cannot see.

Arsenic and The Truckers Wife

Arsenic and the Truckers Wife

By Cleve Sylcox

 

            The day started out like any ordinary Saturday for Mister Potter. He got up early, six a.m., ate a good breakfast of eggs, toast, and coffee. Then he got the leash to walk his dog and that is when he noticed, it was raining.

He could not go on his usual Saturday morning walk with his cayenne colored Basenji. This rather annoyed him. Saturday is his only day off really, and it is not much of a day off, with him needing to prepare for the road. He leaves the next day for where ever, so his clothes need washed, his food for next week bought, and he needs rest. He works six days a week as an over the road trucker. With Saturday, his only real day off and the other six spent on the road, he tries to cram all the things he likes to do into this one day, Saturday.  

However, it is raining, and not just a light rain with a splatter here and there throughout the day, no, it is pouring and according to the weatherman on TV, it will be like this all day and through the night. Frustrated, annoyed, and furthermore disgusted at this he sits down on the stoop beneath an overhang and watches the rain pour.

To him it is a symbol, a symbol of his life. Always, and never at the same time is his life. He is neither happy for long, nor is he ever sad for long. He is, depressed always, melancholy, with a touch of regret and fearsome worry about the future and the past. That is his mind set. The rain as it pours out of the gutter splashes onto the brick driveway and spills out into the yard. “The rain,” he mutters, “…it is like my life, a wet, dreary collection of events that rush through me. They blend in with the rest of the garbage my life has become. Like the rain, it simple blends after awhile, one event no different from the other. Just another thing to make my wife unhappy is all.”    

He gives the outward appearance of being clam, of having it together, while not letting anything bother him. While in fact, inwardly he is a collective gathering of jumbled nerves ready to severer and dissolve into mush. To start with, he has health issues. Not many and not major, just annoying enough though, that daily he wishes his life to end and then he would not suffer through another day. Everyday without fail his lower back aches and pains him. He must use a back support in a chair and cannot stand to long before his lower back begins shooting knife sharp pangs throughout his lumbar. Then it is his neck, an old whiplash injury, which can at times stiffen and freeze his neck into a rigid, almost immoveable position. This can occur without warning and with some effort; he can free himself by quickly turning his neck in one direction or the other.

He also has a bad right eye. A childhood-infected sty on his eyebrow caused a scar to form on his retina in the macular region. He has a blind spot that up until recently, his left eye was able to compensate. Age, though, has caught up with him. He is after all fifty-three. The scar has developed scar tissue over the years and now the blind spot is larger. He is worried that his driving days maybe over. They certainly will if his boss ever finds out. He knows the right thing to do is to quit and find another job. At his age however, and with unemployment at all time highs, he fears the thought of prolonged interruption of income. After all, over the past twenty years or so his employment record has not been the best, which his wife routinely reminds him.

His sons worry him. Like most fathers, he has no real reason to worry but he does. “That is what parents do,” he tells them, “…they always worry their children do not get the things they need or do the things that are right.” Most do, and his are not any different. He raised them well.

Then there is his wife and her constant fretting over finances. He pictures her sometimes squeezing a nickel to get an extra penny out of it. She works as a teller at a local bank. He sniffs at the thought of it, “Suits her…I guess.” He only wishes her to be happy. Over the years they stuck together despite their differences in child rearing, house keeping, money, and beliefs in the here after. Through it all, they maintained what he calls, an agreement to disagree. He does love her so. 

Lighting crawls across the sky in a brilliant flash, and then the sound of thunder explodes sending a torrent of rain with it. He stands with some effort and pats his dog on its side, “Maybe next week old boy, maybe next week.” He turns and leads the dog through the front door and into the house. Closing the door behind him, he takes the leash off the dog and goes into the study. He will read the weekend paper and later do his laundry and go shopping.

Misses Potter awakens to the thunder and pouring of rain. Her mind is surprisingly awake for this time of day. She slept well, as well as can be expected sleeping next to him, the snoring machine. He hogs the covers and causes the bed to sloop to his side as he tosses and turns, pathetic excuse for a man. He is overweight, stays up late, and spends, spends, spends. Why does he even bother coming home? He is not making money here. At home, he consumes and he spends, spends, spends like washing his clothes with the detergent she so diligently shopped for? Eats the food she bought with her money. Then he packs it up in that box and takes it with him for the week. On the road, he calls it, please. He is out driving a truck, how hard can that be. After all, her friend tells her, she knows so and so that drives a truck and they make more money than this little man is making. He is useless. She throws back the covers and practically leaps out of bed. Her determination is clear; today she will make sure her plans succeed.

He is worth more dead than alive. This is true. He has an outstanding insurance policy from a national agency that will cover, not only his burial, but provide her and his sons substance over many years. In no means is it a fortune. However, it will be enough to pay off any debt he leaves them and plenty to see them through. She knows this, and so does he. What she does not know is Mister Potter as another insurance policy, not on himself mind you, but on her.

You see he often wondered what would happen if she were to pass away before him. He could not let the house go to the boys while he remained on the road, could he? No, he would sell the truck, and start a business of some kind. The policy is not even a tenth of his or what he would leave to her, but it is enough to pay off a few things, and start that whatever business. He turns the page of the paper to the financial section. He does love her so.

Misses Potter stands in the doorway of the kitchen, wearing her nightgown and hair in rollers, looking into the study where Mister Potter sits reading the paper. His short stubby arms hold the paper up in front of his face blocking it from her view. She sips her morning coffee while staring at him without saying a word. A smile rises from the corners of her mouth as a sparkle shines in her eyes. She can do it this morning. It will be quick and simple. No one will ever know it was she. A hard smack to the back of his balding head while he reads will leave him dead. “I can make it look like a robbery, a simple robbery. Everyone knows how he brags about having money stashed here and there. Maybe, some ill manner of a man over heard him down a Stubbs last night while he drank an ale, or two…yes, yes…that might work.” Messy though, the blood might stain her new carpet and the upholstery of the chair. Small price to pay but she still bites her lower lip at the thought of spending the money to clean them.  

Mister Potter fluffs the paper keeping it upright to read. As he hears the footsteps of Misses Potter step away from him toward the kitchen, perhaps to refill her coffee, he lowers the paper and takes a sip from his coffee cup, “What a lovely morning this is going to be.” He thinks and with a smile, he watches his bride refill her cup. Then she approaches him carrying the coffee pot.

“Refill,” she asks.

“Yes, please,” his response is without hesitation.

She steps close to him and smiles, while pouring his mug full.

He smiles, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she smiles back then walks into the kitchen. On her face is a slight smile, almost un-noticeable, still the smile is there.

He also smiles in repose, as he watches her walk away from him. The paper has good news this morning; his stocks are up ten percent.

A clap of thunder rattles the nick-knacks on a shelf. The sky outside becomes thick with clouds casting the neighborhood in darkness, like night. Ran pours in buckets as Misses Potter steps outside to the detached garage. She is sure Mister Potter will not notice her absence he is busy reading.

The garage door is heavy and sticks a little as she raises it, then steps beneath it. The garage is dark, but she finds the old baseball bat easily enough It is covered in cobwebs and dust in the corner behind a pile of newspapers. She noticed it there a week ago while she was looking for a mouse that scampered in from the yard. She never found the mouse, but found the bat and toyed with the idea of using it to dispose of her problem. Last night when he snored, that hideous snore, she decided to utilize it. It feels good in her hands. The weight balanced as if made just for her. Without cleaning it, she rushes across the yard through the rain and into the kitchen.

She will make sure he does not suffer. One quick hard blow to the back of the head should do the trick. Quietly, she closes the back door and steps into the kitchen. Rain drips from her hair and runs down her face. She grips the bat tightly and grits her teeth as if all the hate in the world lived within her.

Peeking into the study she finds him sitting in his chair still reading with the lamp next to him turned on. Her focus is direct, her purpose without question in her heart and mind. He must die and she can go on living free from this useless incompetent. Her stomach twitches, turns hard within her. Bail lurches up her throat. She gags, returning to the kitchen. Her stomach twists hard. It feels as if it is folding inside of her. She drops the baseball bat where it clatters sharply on the ceramic tile floor. Falling to her knees, she gags holding her throat. She labors to breath then her mind goes numb and her sight goes black. Falling to the floor, she lay silent with her eyes open staring aimlessly at the ceiling. The baseball bat lay next to her with its cobwebs and spots of dust the rain had not washed away.

Mister Potter closes the paper and clammy stands. He folds the paper and sits it neatly on the corner table. He smiles as he looks into kitchen at his bride lying motionless on the floor. Her big brown eyes looking up at the ceiling and for a fleeting moment he almost regretted using so much arsenic. She must have suffered and he would not hope it lasted long. He does love her so.

He picks up the bat sittings it in the corner near the trashcan. Then he dumps both mugs and the entire coffee pot into a large trash bag, coffee grounds as well. He will dispose of them while out on the road, at a truck stop dumpster perhaps. Then he makes a fresh pot of coffee with an identical coffee pot and drinks a cup with an identical coffee mug. His plan is flawless, but he must hurry for it to succeed. One of his sons might pop in any minute and that would ruin everything. It must look like an accident.

Everyone knows how cheap she is and how absentminded she can be. His plan is simple. A few weeks ago, he discovered some arsenic based rat killer under the kitchen sink, a fine white powder that reminded him of powdered sugar. He simply replaced the sugar with the arsenic and made sure the two resided close together in the cabinet. He drank a small amount in his coffee to make it appear as if they both were poisoned but with her getting a lethal dose. He might suffer the same convulsions as she, but not deadly, a small price to pay indeed. He reaches under the sink, retrieves the rat poison, and places it on the counter next to the sugar bowl.

Thunder explodes and the lights go out. This startles him and he drops the coffee mug into the sink. As he reaches out to catch the cup, he knocks the bag of rat poison over in the sugar. Lighting flashes, but the lights remain off. In the dark, he gropes knocking the sugar bowl and the bag of rat poison completely over dumping its contents all over the counter. He pats the counter looking for a flashlight normally kept there but in so doing, he sends clouds of deadly powder into the air. In his panic, he pants like a dog in short, quick breaths. His patting becomes frantic, moving his hands around quickly in search of a flashlight stirring more dust into the air. Then the poison takes hold choking him, paralyzing his thoughts as paralysis consumes his body. He chokes then gags as his airway swells cutting off his air supply. He struggles for breath as his knees lock and he tumbles to the floor next to his bride. The convulsions do not last long, as his dose was much more than hers.

There, they lay next to one another, a peaceful scene of a man and his bride.  

The clouds thin.

The rain lessens.

The house brightens.

The truckers Basenji curls on the floor next to them.

This would be the end of our tale but as it happens, they lay there on the kitchen floor for weeks. Rat poison has a tendency to dry up a corpse and inadvertently decrease the foul odor of decay. This lessened the chances of a passerby smelling anything and discovering the bodies. Also, their sons were both out of town. Neither one felt an overwhelming urgency when their calls went unanswered. Relief was the common feeling for both of them.

Henry Liter, a neighbor, found the bodies of Mister and Misses Potter. He found it odd that the garage door was partial open and neither Mister nor Misses Potter were seen for several days. He thought they were ill. So, he investigated and through the back door window he saw the dried up legs of Misses Potter.

Oh, and by the way, the dog lived. He had a large supply of dog food, and water he lapped up from the toilet bowl. Some of you might be thinking the dog lived off the remains of his master, but the arsenic made the bodies to dry for the dogs taste. Please no letters of animal cruelty.

 

 

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2013

A time of reflection and a time of growth.

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In January I wouldn’t have given us a chance to survive the year. Things were just that chaotic. Our family was in turmoil over many things, most of which revolved around emotional and alcoholic issues.

As much as I want to open up in this Blog I will not. These are deep touching events surrounding those very close to me. I will say this, that if it were not for Gods divine intervention, the family would not be whole today. I feel very strongly that the events over the course of this year were directly handled by Gods hand.

Enough of the low lights.

The highlights mentioned before are as follows.

My son Josh, who was decimated and thoroughly hitting rock bottom, was lifted and transformed by Christina, who seemed to fill him with life. He is walking with a new purpose and a renewed outlook on life. He is attending culinary school and is making really good grades.

My number two son by birth started the year anticipating his induction into the Air Force elite units of Security Forces. This is after he trudged through the void between High School and the unknown during 2012. At the end of February 2013 he left home for Lackland Air force base and is now among the best in his field at Hulbert Filed Florida.

My wife is a rock…and that’s a good thing. She works as a nurse’s aid for home bound patients. She is steady, she is strong, and if it were not for her devoted efforts, financially, we would have collapsed months ago.

Me, well I started the year in one old profession…no I was not a prostitute…I was a home based customer service professional who was laid off in June. I turned to another old career, IT and found a job that gives me ample time to devote to writing.  By the end of the year I was also introduced to group of writers who exemplifies the meaning of sharing and giving. I’ve not been with the group long but already feel a new sense, a new purpose for my writing.

Over the course 2013, we were fortunate enough to visit Kyle at Lackland. It was the first trip my wife and I had taken together…ever. Outside of visiting relatives. We stopped in Dallas to visit and tour the School Book Depository where Oswald supposedly shot JFK. We watched in deep respect as our son graduated Basic Training to move forward in his new found career.

We came home where our oldest son was ready to move out and start his journey in life. He found a new friend who instilled in him the desire to continue in love and devotion.

So, here it is December 31, 2013. The Future is brighter than it was twelve months ago. I can see the dawning of a new day. I can almost imagine how my sons felt when the blinders were lifted, freeing them to see the sun on the far horizon revealing the day of new found hopes and dreams.

There is a tomorrow…Cheers to 2013, and onward and upward to 2014.